In The Beginning

It’s something out of a bad movie, so sort of shit that you would see on Jerry Springer if Jerry was allowed to show porn mixed with some aspect of “Double Jeopardy”.

It all starts over 4 years ago, that is when I knew I should have divorced her form the get go and I wouldn’t be in this situation.  But hind sight is 20/20 and I need fucking glasses.  She was a Nurse from Virginia Beach and I was a Dip Shit Sailor from Seattle.  Our paths should have never crossed.  Looking back now, I would have never gone out that night – the night we met.  But you can’t go back in time (unfortunately).
To say there were never any good times would be a lie… but they were few and far between.  And I mean FEW!  It was the most non physical, volatile RelationSHIT I have ever been in, but to me that was almost a sense of normal.  My Mother and Father were the same way and they divorced after 10 years, so I guess this was bound to happen one day for me as well.
My Mother was an Alcoholic and my Father was a workaholic (I take after both, not so much the alcohol though).  When it all came crashing down I was back in my home state and had the first real conversation that I ever had with my Father.  He described a relationship with horrible communication, lying and Cheating.  It sounded like he was looking in to my head and reading from the walls of my thoughts and experiences word for word.  I was shocked that he put himself through that.  That is the day that I knew my Father was not infallible.  It was a very refreshing feeling, minus the fact that my liver was feeling like it was about to fucking rip out of my abdomen like a rabid Rottweiler trying to get through the cat door.  I was coming out of a sort of Self medication moment using the famous Jameson Irish Whiskey method… Yeah that was not a good idea.  But I could not even stand to be around her any more.
See, I fucked up.  I was the one that Cheated, lied, and hid inside my head.  It was a  dark place, scary as hell but I had to go there to get to here.  Life is a journey, its more than a Nine to Five behind a desk.  But I couldn’t see that… I do now.  I know now… More than I ever could.  I had to see it, it was the only thing in front of me.  The light at the end of My tunnel was more like the light from a muzzle flash.  Standing there in amazement and shock as the bullet came hurdling towards me.  And I just stood there.  And then…
It hit me…
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