What if you leave me,
What if you Stay,
What if you get sick,
What if we die today,
Come what may…
I play the what if game in my head way too much, I know I’m not the only one out there that does this… Not even close… I’m sure all of us do it… Some though, tend to take it to the extreme… Like me.
There things called real emotions, and then there are things called imagined emotions.
Real Emotions is what we feel when something really happens to us. A loved one leaves you, You’re sad, Lonely. Those are real emotions and we feel them deep, rightfully so.
Imagined Emotions are emotions that we generate based off of something that might happen. I do this all the time and its exhausting, both mentally and physically. It comes from over exaggerating the “What If” game in my head. The Key is to recognize the Imagined Emotions and see them for what the really are… FAKE!
Let me give you an example of what I’m talking about.
I come home from work, I notice that My loved ones car is gone. I think “that’s odd”… I go into the house and find a note. “Hey hun ran out to do some errands and shop.” I think to myself, “Shes never done that before…” Then I remember that she told me about this nice guy that she met at a store while she was out shopping the other day… My mind begins to wander. “Is she meeting up with him…” Anger sets in at just the thought… From there My mind spins out of control… I try and call her, it rings twice and then goes straight to voice mail… We all know what that means… She rejected the call. Now the anger rises… The whole time nothing has truly happened other than I think she ignored your phone call when I know damn well there are a thousand reason why that could have happened… But an object in motion will stay in motion… (I would also think an emotion will stay in motion until its recognized and realized its no longer valid). From here I would blow it out of the water… Mind running like Usain Bolt on Crack… My brain would flood my mind with Imagined Emotions and I would subconsciously validate them some how (Don’t ask me how… I Don’t know) and keep chugging along on the crazy train… Full Speed Ahead…. No Brakes… Running out of track fast. She would get home and I would Explode! She would stand there like – WHAT THE F**K DID I DO! – look on her face. Now she has to defend herself and have to validate how I feel and Why I’m allowed to feel this way (Looking back, I had no F**KIN Right to feel that way).
Then after a while it would blow over, I would apologize… there I fixed it… I created it too… I did it…
Recognizing the Imagined Emotions is tough, it’s even tougher to ignore them… and if you try to resist them… well, what we resist, persists. Let them come, and let them go… I have to think to my self, “Is there a true physical reason why I should feel this way? Has something actually happened, or am I assuming that it will.”
the assuming it will and creating emotions in reaction to the assumption is a defense mechanism due to my hyper-vigilant mind (read my other blogs). Looking for where problem MIGHT be, and reacting as if its there to prepare me for the worst. Problem is, I end up creating the worst by doing so.
I know I’m not the only one out there that does this, I don’t think that I’m some sort of “Special F**ked Up”. There are millions of people that do this. And if you live with one of these people, try and get them help and be as understanding as possible during the process. But they must first be able to recognize that they are one of these people.
The first step in solving any problem, is recognizing that there is one…